Discover Challenge: Asking Tough Questions – Who Am I?

 

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This week’s Daily Post Challenge asks us to think of tough questions we have had to face, whether real or imagined.  For me, I think the toughest question would be “Who are you?”  I mean, it is not difficult in the sense that I can give a name, a birth date, a list of genealogy, a rambling of information that details my eye color, hair color, my height and weight.  But the deeper question is, who am I and what does that truly mean to me?

 

Mother and Educator:

For the longest time I have been a mother.  I have chosen to homeschool my children so that I can give them the love of learning that my own grandmother fostered in me as a child.  I want them to know that education is limitless, ever-lasting, and something we should strive toward the rest of our lives.  To me, it makes life more interesting (and perhaps that is why I have too many hobbies).  Now, it is not a place where we sit with certainty that we know everything, but instead, as we continue to learn – we realize we need to learn more.  Perhaps it could be considered the fostering of curiosity.  For me, I cherish it.

 

I never dreamed I would homeschool my kids.  I stopped working years ago because I became tired of the politics of everything.  I got tired of having to sell myself – and yet still be undervalued, despite the obvious value I brought to the team.  It is not that I was unhappy with my colleagues or my work, it was just the whole environment.  I preferred to do things well and didn’t want to spend most of the time “selling the idea” and worrying about some people being favored over others for no obvious reason.  I know that I was fortunate to make that choice – but I had worked and skipped the last years of my college to help my husband finish his degree.  I felt I deserved it and I have not looked back (not even once).  For me, I think if I were ever to “enter” the workforce again, it would be to work for myself in some capacity – but the school years still loom ahead 🙂

 

So when I quit working, I decided right then and there – if I were to work that hard, it would be for the benefit of my own family.  And man, have I had to step into those shoes for quite some time!  Had I known what I was getting into!  Truthfully though, I would not change a thing.  I have learned to struggle through teaching more than one child at a time – all at different grade levels.  I have learned to struggle through teaching children who are different thinkers than I – and I have strived to reach them and teach them the way that they learn best.  If they did not understand it one way, I would do it another, and another, and another.  I have struggled to tutor (on the side) three children through a Dyslexia program to help them through their difficulties.  All along the way, I have learned and grown as a person.

 

Fortunately, all things have turned out pretty well.  The kids are doing really well in school and though some of them have learning difficulties, they have achieved just as much, if not more than other kids without these difficulties.  These kids are a true testament to the value of perseverance and I could not be more proud of them.

 

So, am I just a mother or a teacher?  No, but I can tell you right now that you cannot separate me from that honor.  It carries a great significance in my heart.  Were it necessary for me to put aside all the things I wish to define myself by, I would do so in a heartbeat – and hope for another day when I could pick up my hobbies and continue as if nothing had happened.  So yes, being a mother and their teacher has deep meaning in my life and that’s the way it should be.  With that said, I can definitely say though that I do cherish the times I can do things for me.

 

Photographer?

Another thing I value is my photography.  Now, I should stop you right there and say that I do not consider myself a photographer.  I enjoy taking pictures and I personally am pretty proud of what I am able to capture.  However, I know that there are way too many photographers out there to count – that truly know and understand the craft.  I am not really seeking to gain any level of competency in this field or to be a competitor, but for the most part I just seek to capture beauty when I see it.  It is more a capturing of moments and memories that I don’t want to lose sight of.

 

I know you may be scratching your head, and I will be the first to admit – my husband doesn’t understand it either, but I just love the stillness between finding a bit of beauty here or there and the click of the shutter button.  I enjoy looking at the world around me through a different lens, always trying to ask myself “what story can be told here” in every space I pass.  I have to admit, I enjoy looking over the photographs on my computer later, no matter how much time has passed.  It is like I am transported to that moment once again and see the beauty of the scene renewed.

 

So, while I would not call myself a photographer, I guess I could call myself someone who is absolutely in love with taking photographs.

 

Writer?

If you have not known me prior to this, I am also in love with the written word.  Sadly enough – with less and less time to write, I find it hard to define myself yet through the written word.  I am still trying to find myself.

 

I know that I am a poet (and my previous self would have gasped at the title, but there it is) 🙂  I am unconventional in some ways.  I am not happy with simply sitting down and writing a poem, but I am always searching for new ways to write, new ways to find inspiration, and new ways to express myself in a poem.  I am satisfied with this reaching and yearning to grow.  The problem is – I have many things I still wish I could do.

 

I started writing children’s stories last year and I really enjoyed myself.  From rhyming stories to just basic storytelling, I really think I am happiest when I do this.  There is nothing like seeing those kid’s comment on my stories.  It makes my day to think they are reading what I wrote and enjoying themselves.  However, things like that take focus and time.  I find it hard to carve that time into my schedule now.  Am I a writer of children’s books?  All I could truthfully say is – not yet, but it is something I want to discover about myself.  What can I do with it?  I have so many ideas and have started some stories that can really be made into something – but you know, time…

 

I have absolutely no idea who I am at this point in my writing.  I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do, how, and where.  Oh, life’s questions!  I guess it is not so bad, I should think of it more as a gift yet to be unwrapped.  Each day as I unfold, I learn more about myself.

 

So to me, I think that “Who are you” would be one of the hardest questions to answer.  It is not so much that I don’t know the small details that make up who I am, but my dreams and hopes have yet to evolve.  Who I am may change at any given moment, depending on my inspiration and oh, yes – the time I am able to commit to my passions.

 

In truth, when people ask, “What do you do for a living?” I often get bothered because the only “true” estimation is that I am a mother, or more likely – a homeschooling parent.  Let’s get this straight – I am incredibly proud of those two achievements.  Hands down, they are my favorite things about me.  However, just like anyone else, I have more that I bring to the table.  If I had a little time, perhaps I could more carefully carve out who I am.  But right now is not my moment to completely shine.

 

So is it enough to say those things define me?  It is hard to peg.  For people often just want to know who you are you on the surface, but there is so much more to who I am.  To answer the question, “Who am I?”  Truthfully I just don’t know.  I’m still trying to figure things out.  One thing I can say is, I am enjoying the journey – and when I finally get a chance to shine, you better watch out!

 

Sorry about the length of this one, but seriously – did you think you could sum me up in just a few lines?  🙂

 

© Sumyanna 2016

 

Beautiful image courtesy of Pexels.com

 

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. None of us really know who we are. I work full time and have two children, one with a learning barrier. I also write children’s stories and poetry. We all just try to be the best we can be and, especially, the best mother to our children.

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    1. Sumyanna says:

      So very true. I sometimes feel as if we walk around doing our various roles and we forget that we do not know – that we are an artwork in progress. Then, at moments of reflection, we sometimes realize we still don’t know what we want or where we are going. Of course, sometimes our dreams are laid aside for a period of time, but we all hope that someday we will pick them back up again. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to work full time and have a chance to write. You have a lot on your plate! So glad you do though and I am sure your children cherish you. Keep writing!

      Like

  2. manyblankpages says:

    This post is lovely. It’s a nice feeling somebody braved to answer that question like I have tried many times. Ever since I learned the immortal words of Know Thyself, I’ve been trying to answer it and I have discovered that the answer grows as we grow. Please know that what you have written is still short and temporary. The answer is a story that will end when we end. Your post is the summarized answer for now. And as you will grow more beautiful, and your life more beautiful, so will your answer. And mine. And the rest of us. 🙂

    Like

    1. Sumyanna says:

      Thank you very much. I don’t exactly know why – but I think about it a lot. What do I want? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Sometimes it seems strange but it is also balanced by times when I am stuck in my roles and just plow ahead. I do so agree with you that the answer grows as we grow. We just keep striving. You words are ever so beautiful and I may just have to come back to these comments and read them again. I shall cherish them. Thank you for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. manyblankpages says:

        Thank YOU for sharing your article!

        Like

  3. Amazing! Amazing! You are incredible!

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    1. Sumyanna says:

      Thank you very much. I really appreciate that.

      Like

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