For The Daily Prompt Discover Challenge this week, we were asked to share that glowing ember of hope that makes you excited for 2017. There are so many things I could have written about. Whiles some may disagree, I feel that hope abounds. However, this time I decided to make it personal. See, I have been trying to reinvent myself (and have been for a long time). I have hope that things will change in a good way, and that there is so much more growing I have yet to do.
For the longest time, my pen was never lifted – beyond needing to fill out forms at the doctor’s office, paperwork for school, or scribbled drawn-out math problems on sheets of recycled paper. See, I wasn’t always a writer – or at least I hadn’t been for over 20 years. I had seemingly lost my voice, or at least put it away somewhere without realizing it. Flash back two years ago when I decided to say goodbye to someone we were sorely going to miss. How would I do it appropriately? I thought back to the recent poetry lessons I had done with my daughter and came to the conclusion that I would write a poem, but where to start?
Funny enough, it was rather easy to find the words and I’ll never know if the poem itself meant as much to our friends as it did for me writing them. Yet somehow, this small act of thankfulness brings me here now and sometimes it seems like I never left. I have come a long way, I think – and I seem less afraid. I think in the beginning – like most of us, I was afraid, “would I be accepted?” or perhaps that familiar question, “is what I am writing even worth being shared?”
I think I have grown because nowadays, I am not 100% percent certain of the answers to those questions, but I write anyway. I guess that is the barrier we all have to overcome. Now, I write mostly for the joy it brings me and yes, I am ever aware that there are people listening. Truthfully, that is a blessing. The point is, I guess – that I have come to a place where I am comfortable with myself and I am truly thankful for that growth. Truthfully, had anyone told me I would find myself here, I would have said “no way!”
I guess each leg of this journey is a way for us to find ourselves, wherever we may be. I have grown, I grow, and I will continue to strive to define myself every step of the way and I expect that someday I may find myself somewhere that I could never have foreseen. That is the adventure of it all.
Lately, I have been looking in to trying to manage myself a little better. Trying to write and be a mother who homeschools, cooks, and cleans, is never an easy task. However, I have realized that I do need to dedicate some time in my schedule for things I want to pursue or else I run the risk of losing myself. Aside from enjoying photography, writing is something I am really serious about and I want to stretch and grow this next year (whatever the heck that means) 🙂 Because, yes – I don’t always know exactly where on the map I want to land (at least yet).
I have hopes though, that I will find my way. I have hopes that I will be able to make the time to dedicate myself to these tasks. I have hopes that I will find myself on a somewhat different, or perhaps more defined path in the near future and I truly look forward to every single step that will take me there. I find it a little scary – yes, but also quite exciting. At this point, were you to ask – I could not detail the steps I will take or the path that will lead me to where I want to be. However, I am thinking and slowly pondering who I am and who I want to be. Not forever – mind you. Just in the not so distant future. When I get there – there will be other dreams to be laid. Until then, I will just enjoy where I am and hope for what the future brings.
(c) Sumyanna 2016
Beautiful image courtesy of Pixabay.com
Other wonderful posts for this prompt: