Waking Up Sober, a poem

 

Mom was the only one

who believed in me.

She’d stand by the sidelines

cheering me on at baseball games

hands waving wildly in the air

yelling “go, go, go” when I hit the ball.

In school, when I struggled

she was the one who held my hand

even if she struggled to understand,

she would make certain

I always walked away doing my best.

In high school, I was the one who changed.

I pushed her away, started following the wrong crowd.

Each night as I partied with friends

she panicked, staying up late

to make sure I was still alive,

but it was not enough for me.

I pushed her away

I followed the wrong influences

I did not understand

but always… she was there for me

no matter how far I fell

no matter how huge my mistakes,

but I was younger then

I could not hear anything

over my own yearnings

whether it be – alcohol or drugs

depending on who

I was spending my time with.

She tried – she always tried to do her best

and I could not bring myself to sober up

until it was much too late.

Back at the college dorm, I got the call

mom had been in an accident.

someone drove on the wrong side of the road

and it was much too late for her to escape it.

They say she felt no pain, it was over quick –

but nothing could cure the massive guilt I carried.

At her funeral, I was afraid to come close

I stood way in the back – I panicked.

There was so much I wanted to say

but I knew it was too late to say it.

Eventually, I made my way to her casket

and through thick tears, I promised

I would become the man

she had strived so hard to raise,

and I’ve been sober ever since.

 

© Sumyanna 2017

 

Written for The Daily Post Prompt: panicked

Image courtesy of Pixabay.com