Posted in Enjoying the Simple Things, On Life, On Parenthood, Thinking Out Loud

Just When You Need Motivation

Believe

 

Yeah, I know – I’ve been gone a while here and a while there.  Things have been busy.  Well, it is not a bad thing for sure, but I have also missed being online at least for my own sanity.  I have two kiddos that I homeschool that are high school age now and they have been keeping me busy.  The younger two are a full-time job on a daily basis, so that is to be expected.  So mama time – is just a fantasy that I hold in my heart right now, and sometimes there is a glimmer of hope in a few seconds here or there.

 

In one way, it is good for me having the two older kids in high school.  They do most of their work on their own and in some cases, even help each other out when the other needs it.  They do sometimes need help though and that’s alright by me – we often figure out things together.  So lately I’ve been helping my daughter who is Dyslexic in her writing course.  She does not need a lot of help, but she sincerely needs a reminder “you can do this” as often as possible.  She is actually a really good writer, but she always second guesses herself.  She wanted to stretch her skills and take a writing course and so far she had done very well – but it helps to have a “brainstorming session” with me to help her gather her ideas and when she writes, I try to help her to visualize herself in the story, either as a character or as a bystander so that she can use more important details in her writing.  So far it has gone well, and the results have been fantastic – but wow, no rest for the weary!

 

In another way, there is a heck of a lot of preparation that goes into getting the older two ready for college.  Not long ago, I was able to find a conference for one of them to attend in their choice of careers.  It went over so well that I am trying to line up experiences for the other kiddos (even the younger ones) in the hope that something just makes things click for them.  It is not always an easy task to find yourself or to figure out what path you want to take when the world just seems full of possibilities.  So having these experiences, I hope, can help them start to figure things out.

 

Perhaps it helps to understand that as a kid, I was rarely encouraged.  I’m not trying to make this a sob story, I am way beyond that now.  I just like to think of it as a point of reference for me and a worthy education at times as well.  I think of all the things that I missed out on.  I cannot help but imagine what might have been if things were different, but I am also rather happy where I am now (hope that makes sense).  I wrote even back then and actually participated in competitions (even moving as high as representing my state in a few competitions in high school).  Sadly, I never knew much about the world outside of school and home.  I never even knew to look up writing groups or find ways to attend conferences… nothing.  Of course, back in those days things were different than they are now (as my son likes to say, were there dinosaurs when you were growing up?).  Nowadays, everything is a click away.  You just need to know what to search for.

 

So, I am taking advantage of that change in times in the hopes that I can provide something for my children that I feel I really missed out on.  Mind you, despite the lack of encouragement – there never was a question that I wanted to be a writer someday and I really don’t mind if the only writing I am able to do is on my blog.  It just took me like eons to figure out that you can be a writer all on your own without anyone giving you a certificate 🙂 and I’m really glad that I have this opportunity.

 

Ahhh, I do have to say I do like some of the changes that have come over us.  Technology does have its benefits.  Were it not for the internet, perhaps I would never have been brave enough to even call myself a writer.  Fortunately, spending time with other writers and like-minded people has helped me see my own value as well.  Instead, I have learned to feel more comfortable in my own skin as a writer and I have no doubt that I can write.  Trust me though, when I say I am not overconfident to the point that my head will swell.  But let’s look at it from the perspective that many of us are afraid to say those words.  I used to be that way too.  We somehow feel like we have to have our names in lights and our faces on the back inner spine of a book in order to have achieved something.

 

As I was saying… when I was growing up, I was never encouraged.  My family did not even know I wrote (even though I banged on that typewriter all the time and spent time in competitions – but they were during school trips).  They just didn’t take any interest.  They still don’t know that I write now, but that is another story for another day.  Anyway, the most important thing in my life somehow escaped their attention.  When I was in high school and in college and said I wanted to get an English degree, I was told “writer’s never get jobs.”  I was equally told it was a waste of time and that I would never amount to anything, so why bother?  But I cannot help wondering, what would have happened had someone said “Try!  I believe in you!”  How many times have all of us needed that voice?

 

Now, there were certain teachers that did encourage me to the best of their ability, especially the one who encouraged me to take up the pen in the first place.  The sad thing is though, that they can only do so much and most assume you live in an encouraging environment.  So for me, I never found out about scholarships or attended writing groups or conferences.  I just wrote and kept my voice to myself.

 

I am happy to say though that despite the lack of encouragement, I have never lost my love for writing and I doubt that I will ever tire from the desire to express myself even when I have limited time.  There were times I had to spend working on things I did not love and there were times when I have had to put my writing aside – but I always come back to it.  I need to – as sure as I live and breathe.  It just somehow makes me whole.

 

So yeah, I take my job pretty seriously for encouraging and supporting the kids as much as I can.  And yes, it is a busy undertaking, but I know how important it can be.  Some of my kiddos are certain about what they want to do and others are just as equally uncertain.  One is certain she wants to be a writer – but has trouble knowing what that means for her.  Will there be opportunities?  And for me, as a mother – I don’t want her to waste her time trying to find reasons she should not.  I want her to find reasons she can and if there are no paths for her, then she can make one.  So I feel it is my job to find ways to let them see what is out there and to see what they are capable of in the hopes that just like my teachers did for me… I can encourage their first spark toward something they love.  I know they won’t ever forget it – just as I have never forgotten the same and what a precious gift to give.

 

So if you notice my absence sometimes, know that I am most likely okay.  If I have not visited, know that I will try once an opportunity arises.  I have missed you to pieces, dear blog family.  I know people will say, don’t bother with the blog… but I do this for me – and as much as homeschooling keeps me busy, I need my time away… writing or taking photographs to feel sane and anchored to the ground.  I have finally matured enough to not feel guilty for having needs too.  This is where I wash away my fears, allow myself to drown in my tears, and pull the sunshine out of the sky when I need it most.  It is the one place that I am free to hear my own thoughts and where I am closest to my dreams.  As a writer, I could not ask for more.

 

Now there is one last thing I want to share with you.  I know that I’m not special.  What I mean by that is – I know that I am not alone in never hearing words of encouragement.  It is a sad fact that I have known many and I am ever so grateful that they believed enough to share a part of their hearts so bravely.  It is not easy growing you own courage!  I just want you to know – I’ve got your back.

 

It’s like I tell the kids all the time, there are so many people who achieved greatness and perhaps many of them were never even celebrated – but they mattered.  What they did mattered – even if they only touched the heart of one other person in some way.  Of those who were later celebrated, in their day and time they were discouraged, told they were dumb, told they had no talent, told they would never amount to anything and all I can say is darn it, I’m glad they didn’t believe them!  For some miraculous reason – they just held on to their dream.  They were fortunate that in some way they were able to pull through the muck and mire, they were able to bring forth the courage no matter the naysayers. In some other cases, there was someone behind them – pulling them or pushing them forward with words of encouragement.

 

At the end of the day, you need to realize (as do I) that these same people probably had the same fears that we do.  They probably struggled with wondering if they were good enough, talented enough, or worthy of dreams.  They probably wondered if the naysayers were correct and maybe they should stop wasting their time.  I mean, what is the point anyway, right?

 

The question I have to ask myself – and you have to ask yourself – is how will you ever know if you aren’t willing to try?  And most importantly, we must learn from those who came before us.  What would have happened had those people – those celebrated for their greatness – never had someone (perhaps even themselves) say that they could?  The loss would truly have been ours and you cannot imagine where we would be without their influence.

 

So, even if it is a little voice in your head, listen to it.  If you are fortunate to have someone else willing to believe in you, show them just how right they are.  Cherish that they are willing to hold your hand.  And if the only encouragement you have is this very blog post, then by all means take it!  I give it willingly.   I believe in you.  I believe in you – and if you believe in yourself, you will be amazed to see what you can accomplish.  Let no one steal away your opportunity to dream.  For what would the world be without you?

 

© Sumyanna 2017

 

Author:

Writer of poetry and seeker of knowledge. I hope to inspire and be inspired by my words and the world around me.

13 thoughts on “Just When You Need Motivation

  1. A really lovely post, Sumyanna. I had hoped to be able to take a sabbatical from work and write full time for a while but that is not to be. I am encouraged to keep plodding on part time after reading this lovely post.

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    1. I do hope you get an opportunity at some point. I strive for that… someday, although I know it will not be any time soon 🙂 Here’s hoping that if you can’t have it full time, you can at least find a way to fit it more into your schedule Robbie.

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  2. Great post , I too was never encouraged as a child and I feel that leads to harder paths to walk on in life. I am grateful for my journey, it was hard yet enlightening too.

    I too had the desire to write a book but painting has now fulfilled my inner search to be remembered when I am no longer here and like you if I can encourage others on this site to believe in themselves just like others on this site did for me along with my wonderful husband then my life has been worthwhile.

    🌹

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    1. So sorry to hear that, but I have found that some of the most caring and loving people share the same story Rose. It definitely does make things harder and I guess that’s why I’m so aware of people needing support. I have learned to no longer be afraid to say what comes to mind – because people often need to hear what we are too afraid to speak. I am so glad you have found painting because it really seems to make you feel at peace. At the end of the day, perhaps someday you will be able to combine both loves and that will make the book all the more special 🙂 Trust me, you WILL be remembered. Hugs.

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  3. One does have to have a dream, and to strie towards it, even though perhaps that dream changes a bit all the time, perhaps it is like walking up a mountain, somehow there is always another rise to get up before the end of the climb. There always has to be hope as well, as without hope there is nothing! When I was growing up, there was not even TV, we only listened to the radio, which at first was a big contraption, that came in a big bureau ( had to look up the spelling of this in the thesaurus, as I spelled it incorrectly that both spell check and the dictionary were useless!), so we listened together as a family, but we all had to listen to the same thing, and it certainly built up our imagination as there were no pictures to see. It was only in the early 70’s that my sister and I got our first transistor radios that we could carry around with us, and TV, only arrived in 1976, when we were almost finished school. When we played we made the games up, and wondered far and wide, down rivers, into the forest up the mountain. When it was found we were dyslexic, my parents, particularly my mother worked with us, giving up her piano playing, singing and painting (she was a very well thought of watercolor painter) to help us, and always supported us, trying to get us to follow our dreams. My father tried his best to get us to be something that he could be proud of, and though he always said how well we had done to overcome our difficulties (as he called them) , we were both left feeling like nothing we did was good enough, and feeling very frustrated and very inadequate. So it was only when I moved away that we began to have a better more fulfilling relationship. All this however made me the person I am, and I am proud and happy about that, so still have dreams and hopes after all this time, and all that we have been through. I also had a teacher who believed in me, and we are still great friends (He was my best amn when Genevieve and I got married.). Enough, enough for now.

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    1. Truth be told, I’ve seen those televisions. We had them way back when. Of course, I was around when tv was growing in popularity, but I still remember sitting with my little child’s record player and listening to stories. I feel bad that I missed those days of radio, with everyone sitting down together to listen and imagine. It seems all too dreamy, but that just might be me. I’m a romantic for the days of old. So glad to see the support and love your mother gave to you as children. It really warms my heart because I know the struggle can be difficult. I am sure that she never regretted putting both of you first. Even I have regrets from my childhood, had I been supported, had I had more confidence. After all though, it is what makes us who we are – how we strive and how we live our lives. All I can hope is that I am providing my own children with better beginnings. So incredibly glad you also had a teacher that supported you… and friends and last, but definitely not least Genevieve. She is a gift.

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      1. Yes, Genevieve is a great gift. I never listened to children’s stories on the record player, but my father when he was home used to read to my sister Anne and I in bed, so we got plenty of stories, and I used to stutter very badly and not enunciate very clearly, so went to elocution lessons for years, and here too we used to read allowed, which gave me great confidence for doing public readings of my poetry. I probably speak a bit slower than many people, but at least I no longer stutter. I really think all this reading aloud helped my sister and I a lot. Always did quite well in school plays, but had trouble remembering all my lines.

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        1. Both of my kiddos with Dyslexia enjoy reading out loud and their sister who does not have it and reads well, hates it. Go figure! So glad to see them feeling confident though. Don’t even go there with remembering… definitely not my strong suit!

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          1. Probably because I had this idea that I would only have one chance to know, understand and remember most things, I built up an incredible memory, the slightly disserting thing is as I move towards retirement ,my memory is slowly diminishing, which is a bit unnerving, but slowly like most changes I am adapting to it, and accepting it. i think memories are not a strong feature for many people, so I would not be worried by it not being a strong point for you. It seems quite a lot of memories colour your writings, so just let it flow, and don’t worry about it.

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          2. The odd thing for me is… I can remember a lot more than my husband about things, even recent things. However, many of my memories are tied to strong emotions. If it is something that meant a great deal to me, I remember it in great clarity. Other things… even something I read recently can slip away easily because it did not hold as much emotional significance. I guess we are all different. It is a gift to remember… my son is a sponge in that department right now. Hopefully since it was a strong point for you, you will retain still more than many do regularly.

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          3. I think you are right in that events and facts that make up one’s memory have some kind of emotional attachment to them. I often remember strange things, that most people would forget, because they made me laugh or cry, or both! There has to be some interest before there is some type of memory build about something.

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