Posted in Flowers, Free Verse Poetry, Macro Photography, Nature Photography, Photography, Poems for Writers, Poetry

Starting to hear the sound of my own voice, a poem

Sometimes, we fail to see the value in what we say. We remain silent, doubting ourselves. Perhaps we think that someone else can say it better. Perhaps we fear it has all been said before. And perhaps, we just fear laying everything out in the open – afraid that no one will understand.

I’m learning to grow beyond this. I haven’t always remained silent because of doubt. Surly, most of the time has been spent working hard with the kids, sharing incredible moments with them, learning – but also having fun. However, the return has been a bit more difficult than I expected.

Around here, things have become a bit easier. I mostly support just two students and one of them half the time tells me she no longer needs me. It’s not a complaint – but an adjustment. So yes, I want to come back – but I have spent more time in self-doubt recently that I care to admit. Yet, here and there – in one book or another, I see advice I know I should be taking.

See, writing isn’t just something I share, but it truly helps me process emotions, to learn more about myself and how I am truly feeling about things. Because yes, sometimes I don’t know that much about myself or how hard I am being impacted by the world around me. I may be 50, but it seems I still have a lot of growth to do 🙂 Also, writing helps me deal with the overwhelming emotions I may have in a way that truly makes me feel like I have done something. Though I might not always be able to stand up to the bad guy, I feel better knowing something has been said.

With as much gusto and joy that I imagine the world around me, I sometimes also absorb the pain of what is happening. I can’t even tell you what this last year has been like. Overwhelming just can’t cover it – but live, we must – and despite what horrible things may happen in the world, there still is a lot of beauty. It does us no good to focus on one without realizing the other. So here I am, again – writing – because I have to learn to stop being afraid of being me, the only way I know how.

So here’s to my first (of hopefully many) poems:

Starting to Hear the Sound of My Own Voice

I wrestle

with the silence

as words

crawl across my skin.

A shout –

then a loud retort

reverberates in my ears,

but I can say nothing.

There is a stillness

inside myself,

– perhaps

that I first

must seek,

or possibly,

I just need

to remind myself

how to scream.

It is hard,

to stare your own need

in the face,

to look starry-eyed

and hopeful,

but to end up

with a mouthful

of hunger.

Words –

my quiet,

reassuring words

beg to be heard,

yet I still stumble

to form the syllables

my mouth open

my heart broken,

I weep my first lines

of poetry

© Sumyanna 2020

Author:

Writer of poetry and seeker of knowledge. I hope to inspire and be inspired by my words and the world around me.

6 thoughts on “Starting to hear the sound of my own voice, a poem

    1. It’s good to finally be back and writing – but things have still been a bit rusty these days. I think it’s probably because of all the emotional overload we are experiencing these days. Hoping more calm will come our way. So glad to see you here and I’ve been enjoying your writing!

      Like

  1. Glad to see the words coming again. And also that there’s still growth at 50. I’m almost 10 years away from that, but feel so very far from feeling like I have it together.

    Like

    1. Don’t worry – when you get to fifty you will not have things anymore together than you do now 🙂 I guess life is just a growth process – the more we learn (as I have often heard) the more we learn that we don’t know anything. So glad to see you!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s